You think it is confusing?!

My hard drive burned up on my computer so fortunately I have a few musings from the last few years on a blog. Supposedly to people who have AS, NTs are confusing. They can't read our facial expressions, body language or other social cues. So what about us? You are confusing AND frustrating!! It was once again my ex husband's "scheduled visit" last night and he failed to take our darling daughter because he did not enforce it. He came to the house, stayed in the car and watched everything happen. She was refusing to go with him and he sits there. Read again, he sits there. He does not say a word. Mum. . . mums the words for dear old Scott. I was mad. I told him I was mad, still nothing comes from his lips. He leaves. I have stuff to do. Christmas is next week. I have stuff to do. I needed this night. I needed it for my sanity. And he is confused? PSHAW!!!! He doesn't have the corner on it. Parenting is not convenient. If it was, it would be babysitting. Scott is a babysitter not a father.

I think I just punched you.

I ran into Scott's youngest brother Aaron and his youngest son, Leo at McDonald's the other day. When he recognized me and my sister he made an audible sound that sounded like he had been punched in the stomach. He then did his nervous laugh commenting on how big his son had gotten. End of encounter. Aaron is the one out of the four boys that denies he has a diagnosable disorder. The others are medicated for anxiety with the normal SSRIs and for my ex, an additional sedative. Aaron's wife, Sydney and I were friends during my marriage to Scott. Since the ostracizationof me by the whole Smith family, I feel the most sorry for her. She seemed the most emotionally intelligent out of the wives. Her son sure has grown in the last two years, though.

I need a name!

I have been wanting to blog more about my experience being married to a very socially awkward man. I have been told by a few people that I should write a book but I don't think my writing skills are good enough. So, I have been really thinking about just blogging and inviting people to read this. I started this soon after my husband departed from my life but I haven't written consistently. I have written elsewhere but not on this blog. Sometimes I get so frustrated dealing with Scott Smith, the socially awkward attorney, that I need to write to get it all out! So, this is what I am going to do. I am going to do it here so you can read it and comment and criticize and acclaim. I have been trying to think of a great name for this blog but the one I already established should be fine. Recently a guy who knew my husband from law school said this about Scott, "he may have Asperger's but he is a mean Asperger's". Yes, that is what I want everyone to know. He is mean. He intentionally hurts people and stands there aloof, uncaring and full of pride. So here goes more of what is inside my head.

Lying, not understanding information given, or what?

I asked Scott a while ago if he had a CD player in his new car. His new car that he bought the day after he traded me an Acura MDX for an old 1999 Subaru. We traded because I could not afford the payments and he would deduct the amount from the money he owed me before giving me the money. Can we say control issues?

Anyway, back to the CD player, he told me his new car did not have a CD player. Today when he came to pick up our daughter she wanted to listen to a Webkinz CD and I told her she couldn't because Daddy didn't have a CD player in his car. He then said he did have a CD player in his car that he must have thought I said DVD. Oh, ok!

Break up

My husband's behavior towards me since he left is like a 9th grader or maybe even a 6th grader. I remember in the 6th grade when Troy Thomas and I broke up. I threw his Skaggs birthstone ring at him and it was done. We never talked again. We had nothing. That is how Scott views this relationship. He is not able to understand that we are parents together to a beautiful three-year-old daughter. He will not do anything nice or even acknowledge I exist. This is his Asperger's brain way of making sense of divorce. His twin brother used to be friends with my sister. When his brother started dating his wife, he broke up with my sister. They were not dating but he broke up with her in that 6th grade fashion. He would not acknowledge that she even existed or that they did have a great friendship, very, bizarre behavior for the rest of us and by the rest of us, I mean the NTs, the majority of the people.

pulling over

It is my husband's night to have our daughter. He is not able to deal with confrontation so he has told me to text him when she wakes up from her nap. This is because she is grumpy and he cannot deal with her right when she wakes up. Anyway, so I texted him and he said he was on his way at 6:05 pm. It should have taken him about 15 minutes to get to our house but at 6:50 pm he still hadn't shown up. I called and he answered immediately saying,"I'm almost there." Why didn't you come straight here, I ask him. He says, oh, i got tired and had to pull over. That was the story of my life with him, he was always tired. Always, lethargic, always non-responsive, always boring, always energy sucking. Why was he tired? A better thing to look into should be why am I tired?? I have a sick three year old who kept me up coughing most of the night. He on the other hand did have to work for eight hours but probably got more than eight hours of uninterrupted sleep last night with his tranquilizer he takes every night. Oh, yes, pull over dear and take a nap.

I have to admit

I am as guilty as my family at trying to figure out what it was that made my husband snap and leave me and our darling daughter. As I was changing probably the millionth diaper over 3 years I decided it was the potty training that made him leave. He did not want to be a part of it. Last night when he came to get our daughter for his routine, 3 hour visit, I told him she pee-peed on the potty and was practicing wearing panties. I asked him if he would take the potty and some panties and practice and his response was quick. I don't know if I have ever heard him say "no" so well. Good job, Scott. You are learning to say no.