Dating

My husband didn't really date me before he blurted out that he loved me and wanted to marry me. He admitted he had loved me for two years but had not acted on it. This should have been a red flag but at the time I wanted to get married. I was 32 and for LDS standards getting close to "old maid" status and soon would be unmarriable. At the time of this unveiling of his love, he also admitted some physiological and psychological symptoms that he was experiencing. I told him it sounded like an anxiety disorder and got out my sister's DSM. Sure enough he felt like he had enough symptoms to be diagnosed with an anxiety disorder and sought a diagnosis the next day. He was not medicated until about three months later and so he did not feel any relief from his symptoms with just psychotherapy.

When he did start medication, he took Prozac and Klonipin. After nine years he is still taking both of them. I know he sedates with the Klonipin daily but am not sure about how much of the Prozac he takes. Against my inner thoughts about dating someone with an anxiety disorder, I continued to date him knowing he planned on proposing to me and marrying me. Our first phsical contact was an awful attempt at a kiss at my door one night. I was hoping it would get better and once I took control it was better. I was experienced at this and knew what I was doing. I had dated a lot and knew the sexual drives of normal men. My boyfriend was not interested in anything sexual or physical. I thought he had great self control, come to find out after we were married that he just had no interest in sex. He has an intense fear of intimacy. I do not know where it stems, he refused to go to counseling with me to communicate during our 8 year marriage. His mother is very similar. She lost all interest in her family, husband, job and religion too. They act very similar and her ex-husband told me he lived in a sexless marriage as well.

During our courtship my husband said the most romantic things to me. He was very liberal with compliments and seemed as though he knew how to woo me. He did this briefly after we were married but then stopped. He has not told me he loved me in years. Although he has not said he doesn't love me either. On our wedding day, we were at home in the afternoon and he had not tried to have sex with me. Instead we went to dinner at a great restaurant. We didn't have sex that night either. I do not remember when we actually consummated our marriage. Yes, my first time having sex was so uneventful I don't even remember it.